In amongst the cacophony of soundbites, interviews and advice from strangers and celebrities, telling me to ‘be kind to myself’ and to ‘find your routine’, the occasional quote makes it through the melee and gets me thinking. Listening to BBC Radio 1 DJ Annie Mac interviewing singer/songwriter James Blake was one of those moments recently. James mentioned that he was using the time spent at home to get reacquainted with himself.
That thought stopped me in my tracks. Literally.
I examined the concept of reacquainting myself with myself. Why would I, why should I get to know myself again? I know myself, right? I tried to dismiss the thought from my head, but it kept turning and squirming uncomfortably in my mind.
Arghhh, I think the question was boring like a worm into my thoughts because I’m not sure that I do know myself anymore. I’ve spent so long on autopilot, moving from home to commute to office to commute to home, interspersed with the odd connection to a friend and the occasional night / day out, that I haven’t checked in to see who I am lately. I’ve been so wrapped up in accomplishing my life that I haven’t stopped to listen to my own opinion, or review my life, or start a new hobby in years. I’m afraid to say that I don’t know myself anymore. Not really.
I know who I was and I’m pretty sure I liked the old me as I’ve kept my old ways of being, thinking and doing for many a year now. However, the reason why James Blake’s comment resonated with me is because I really want to get to know myself again and check that all the elements of me that got me here are still needed and useful for the future. It’s time to search out new music and read unknown authors. To try (and fail) at new skills and hobbies. To think about my views and opinions.
Maybe I won’t want to change anything? Maybe I’ll want to change everything? It feels like a daunting challenge to reacquaint myself with me.
I just bloody hope I like myself.